Jamie Hanton

So, at a dinner table, aside from the usual ‘Who would your top five dinner guests be?’ you may be asked at which game would you play the Grim Reaper? It’s a much discussed topic. Is Grim an ethereal object? Does he have skin and muscle? Is he an invincible mofo like some Mario character hopped up on a golden star?

Regardless of Death’s corporeal nature it’s prudent to choose something that you’re good at. Nay, not so much good, but a master. Give Death a master class in something. Pottery. Italian cooking. Poker. Go for gold. Don’t make it bush league. Don’t buy into amateur hour.

Some suggestions from friends who have more than a couple of brain cells:

Hurdles: Maybe death has bones, maybe he doesn’t, but let’s see him jump 1 metre fences.

Swimming: Again, something that Death can’t help; his mufuckin robe. That shit is gonna draaaaaaag in the water. Phelps could’ve had the biggest bong of his life he gonna waste Death in the water.

Monopoly: My personal favourite, just cos I’m that greeedy. Bring it death, let’s see your avarice.

Knuckle Bones: Death ain’t got enough flesh for this. This could be logical positivism to the Nth extreme. But Death won’t mind.

WoW: Death Knight fun?

Weight lifting: This really depends on Death’s physical prowess.

Twister: Death lost in Twister and Battle Ships in ‘Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey’: work with the precedents people.